Girl, you aint got no kids?!
Today is Day 19 of 40 Days of Prayer and Fasting, and I realized that I haven’t prayed for a husband yet!
I don’t think I have the "gift of singleness", but I do know that I don’t have the gift of settling.
It's not that I don't want a husband, or lack faith to believe that a husband is coming; its quite the opposite!
For years, marriage was the last thing on my mind. I wanted to be free, live for God, and travel to distant lands. I imagined I would marry someone in the one of the countries I was in and live my life there. My life was pretty perfect to me. Destiny was my husband as far as I was concerned! When I moved back to Houston after living overseas, I was asked at every opportunity,
"so when are you going to get married and have kids?" One church member seemed very concerned with my single status and even suggested, "maybe you should just get pregnant so you can at least have a child." Yes, you read that right. Someone at my (old) church suggested I have a kid with a random guy so that I can at least have one!
Do you need marriage to breathe? Well, I don't!!
I do want to get married and welcome children whether biologically or through adoption into my home. I know the day is coming and there is no doubt that when it does it is going to be absolutely amazing and magical.
Comparison will rob you of joy. My purpose, path, and destiny are all directed by God. I have surrendered my life into His hands. I believe his gifts are good and perfect and on time. I am complete in Christ,Colossians 2:10. Being single is not sin. It is not a curse. I am not single because of some deep, hidden, or unrepentant character flaw. I am not forgotten by God. And for the record, no I will not marry you cousin's baby daddy's brother that just got out of prison last month!
So why haven't I gotten married? Well, I haven't met him yet! I've certainly dated enough! There is no man from my past that I regret letting go. I've dated guys that were smart, handsome, successful, Christian, and my most common trait: they seemed like a good match.
As I thought about previous relationships, I realized I have never dated anyone that I really liked. I've respected and admired certain qualities of the men I've gone out with, but I have never been friends with any of them. People have told me that friendship will come later, but for me, if I can't laugh with you on the couch NOW, then there won't be a later!
I believe my Mr. Husband Man is out there and when the time is right, I will meet him.
For some people this simply isn't good enough. For one thing, I have never in my life met anyone who is happily married or joyful in their own life attempt to rush me into marriage. It is usually those who are quite miserable who feel some need to try to pressure me. I have felt judged because I m single and that really doesn't bother me. What bothers me are those who have no joy who pretend like marriage is validation for something when it isn't.
I recently worked with a woman who would literally ask me at every available opportunity if I dating, when am I getting married, aren't I afraid of being an old mom, and all kinds of stupid questions. One day I looked at her and just listened and I could hear fear in her voice. I looked at her skin and noticed a green spot along her cheek bone line and thought, she has an olive undertone and needs to get her foundation better matched. A few weeks later, I saw the same green spot but in a different location. It was on the opposite side of her face and above her eye. She didn't have an olive undertone, she was being abused. She was trying to cover up bruises with makeup and yet attacking me for not being married.
These are not 40 days of Prayer and Fasting for a man! This is a time set apart for breakthroughs. This is about new levels and opportunities and purpose. A husband is only a piece of the puzzle not my life's ambition.
I don’t think I have the "gift of singleness", but I do know that I don’t have the gift of settling.
It's not that I don't want a husband, or lack faith to believe that a husband is coming; its quite the opposite!
For years, marriage was the last thing on my mind. I wanted to be free, live for God, and travel to distant lands. I imagined I would marry someone in the one of the countries I was in and live my life there. My life was pretty perfect to me. Destiny was my husband as far as I was concerned! When I moved back to Houston after living overseas, I was asked at every opportunity,
"so when are you going to get married and have kids?" One church member seemed very concerned with my single status and even suggested, "maybe you should just get pregnant so you can at least have a child." Yes, you read that right. Someone at my (old) church suggested I have a kid with a random guy so that I can at least have one!
Do you need marriage to breathe? Well, I don't!!
I do want to get married and welcome children whether biologically or through adoption into my home. I know the day is coming and there is no doubt that when it does it is going to be absolutely amazing and magical.
Comparison will rob you of joy. My purpose, path, and destiny are all directed by God. I have surrendered my life into His hands. I believe his gifts are good and perfect and on time. I am complete in Christ,Colossians 2:10. Being single is not sin. It is not a curse. I am not single because of some deep, hidden, or unrepentant character flaw. I am not forgotten by God. And for the record, no I will not marry you cousin's baby daddy's brother that just got out of prison last month!
So why haven't I gotten married? Well, I haven't met him yet! I've certainly dated enough! There is no man from my past that I regret letting go. I've dated guys that were smart, handsome, successful, Christian, and my most common trait: they seemed like a good match.
As I thought about previous relationships, I realized I have never dated anyone that I really liked. I've respected and admired certain qualities of the men I've gone out with, but I have never been friends with any of them. People have told me that friendship will come later, but for me, if I can't laugh with you on the couch NOW, then there won't be a later!
I believe my Mr. Husband Man is out there and when the time is right, I will meet him.
For some people this simply isn't good enough. For one thing, I have never in my life met anyone who is happily married or joyful in their own life attempt to rush me into marriage. It is usually those who are quite miserable who feel some need to try to pressure me. I have felt judged because I m single and that really doesn't bother me. What bothers me are those who have no joy who pretend like marriage is validation for something when it isn't.
I recently worked with a woman who would literally ask me at every available opportunity if I dating, when am I getting married, aren't I afraid of being an old mom, and all kinds of stupid questions. One day I looked at her and just listened and I could hear fear in her voice. I looked at her skin and noticed a green spot along her cheek bone line and thought, she has an olive undertone and needs to get her foundation better matched. A few weeks later, I saw the same green spot but in a different location. It was on the opposite side of her face and above her eye. She didn't have an olive undertone, she was being abused. She was trying to cover up bruises with makeup and yet attacking me for not being married.
These are not 40 days of Prayer and Fasting for a man! This is a time set apart for breakthroughs. This is about new levels and opportunities and purpose. A husband is only a piece of the puzzle not my life's ambition.
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