Lamb Chops and Pizza Don't Mix

Spending time with God is a little like having an onion called Your Life slowly peeled. Layer upon layer, it reveals who you really are in Him. Do you struggle with low self-esteem or self-doubt and fear?  I encourage you to sincerely spend time in the presence of God. Hanging out with Jesus is where confidence is built. Every time I leave my quiet place with him, it's like God gives me a giant shout out "Eh, not for nothing, but I got ya back." ( Please excuse the vernacular. I gave my heart to the Lord when I lived in NYC, so the voice of God in my head has a thick Harlem accent.)

I am a recovering runner away-er from my problems. It appears natural when in fact it takes a lot of effort, thought and perhaps a pro/con list. You know, I'm not really a runner. I broke my right ankle in Guatemala several years back hiking down a mountain and it’s never quite been the same. You know, let’s just change the wording from runner away-er to avoid-er. Perfect. In the past, I would go out of my way to avoid someone, making many situations awkward. One time I was avoiding someone so well, that I didn't even notice him until he called me rude and I realized I was literally standing inches in front of him. He had been there the entire time during my conversation!! 

One of my life goals is to articulate myself better verbally. I can write you a long letter later, but in the moment, silence. It isn't intentional. I'm just processing. I was the kid in school who had the perfect comeback...the next day. With much joy and excitement, last year I dated a guy that by all appearances was chemically balanced. He was Christian, well educated, and had a beautiful smile. I thought, I'm going to give him a chance but more importantly, I'm going to give myself a chance and not run   avoid any situations that may arise. We met at work; same hospital, different departments. A mutual friend thought we would be a good match which is always interesting. People only know you from their platonic friendship perspective not as a future spouse. Note to self: make an app for friendly exes to match each other up. It wouldn't work for me because I hate strongly dislike wish were dead hate all my exes, but it could take off.

Back to the story, as we began to get to know each other, I asked him what his favorite food was and he said lamb chops. At that moment I knew it was over. I couldn’t explain how I knew, but I just knew I wouldn't have a future with him. I continued in the relationship for several more weeks while I tried to convince myself that this was my avoid-er behavior again (self-diagnosed), and to not let me ruin this relationship.

Soon after, I was in my living room and it hit me. I don't want any pretend relationships in my life. I've had lamb chops and I am not a fan. But that's not why I broke up with him. My favorite food is pizza. From Piccolos Pizza in Medellin, Colombia to Original Rays in Manhattan, New York; I have eaten a lot of it. When he said lamb chops, it was a sign that he was trying to impress me and not ready to be real. I imagine he thought I would be impressed that he could afford expensive meals and would want to be with him because of that. Nope. Kindness and generosity are what impress me. Throughout our relationship, he showed me he was more focused on the external than the internal or the eternal. Although he professed to be a Christian, I never heard or witnessed a burden for the poor, the broken, or the lost. When we eventually broke up, my only regret was that I didn’t end it sooner.

Being an avoid-er isn't always a bad thing. Sometimes God uses that skeptical side of us to investigate motives and to find out what is really going on. Don’t believe everything you hear, but watch how the life is lived in front of you. Lamb chops to me was less about food and more about appearances. Earlier I stated that I am a recovering avoid-er.  That is because there are people we can't afford to avoid but must pursue and shower with the love of God. At the same time, we must be wise about who have in our life, set up healthy boundaries and be completely open to the leading of God. Getting out of that relationship was easy once I realized it wasn’t God who put me in it.

What leads your life? Are you a recovering avoid-er? Leave a comment and let's keep the conversation going.