Why I was afraid to write
For the past several years I have been working towards becoming a nurse.
I took classes and worked full time in a hospital, but there was always this lingering doubt. I thought it was discouragement and perhaps depression. Maybe I wasn't working hard enough. then I went to the other extreme, maybe I needed to take a break. I felt anxiety over the smallest things, whether it was an upcoming exam, to conversations with classmates about goals.
Until one day not too many months ago as I was going over yet another Nursing School application,
I finally said it..
So there it was... I don't want to do this...the words just kept repeating.. I don't want to be a Nurse..
Peace like a river...it is well with my soul..Freedom like never before. A weight was lifted. Anxiety gone.
I wasn't depressed, I was just moving in the wrong direction.
I am a writer. Not just my occasional blog posts here, but more.
I look forward to sharing my stories with you all. They are so beautiful. I want to describe the world that I know to you. Some of these stories are dramatic, like the time I broke my ankle hiking in a jungle in Guatemala. Some are beautiful like when I was lost in Paris, a shop owner and his wife helped me out. Others are painful. I've lived quite a life full of adventures and I want to tell you about it.
So, why was I afraid to write? Certainly not from a lack of inspiration yet sometimes, when I would open my laptop, I would just stare at the page.. as if I had nothing to write.. but I have lots to write!
I was just afraid..
What if I finish all these projects and no one reads it? What if the ones who read it l doesn't like it? What if I don't make any money?
What if after all of that hard work, nothing comes of it? What if I gave up becoming a nurse, and nothing happens?
What will I do?
Do you know what I'm really saying? Sometimes you gotta read between the lines.
Fear. Doubt. Insecurity. They all show up when you decide to step out in pursuit of what God has for you.
Perseverance, Character and Fortitude are all ours in the name of Jesus and we never have to be afraid.
Keep going forward anyway.
I am walking, living, and dancing in my purpose right now. I am not afraid anymore because it is God alone who opens doors that cannot be shut. He is the One who makes a way when there seems to be no way. Live for Him and he will direct your way, He will guide you. Seek his face and get to know his voice. It's not to late.
I took classes and worked full time in a hospital, but there was always this lingering doubt. I thought it was discouragement and perhaps depression. Maybe I wasn't working hard enough. then I went to the other extreme, maybe I needed to take a break. I felt anxiety over the smallest things, whether it was an upcoming exam, to conversations with classmates about goals.
Some friends said it was to be expected. Some friends tried to pray the anxiety away. Everyone saw how hard I worked and I know they wanted me to succeed. But..I.HAD. NO. PEACE
I...HAD...NO...PEACE!!
Until one day not too many months ago as I was going over yet another Nursing School application,
I finally said it..
I don't want to do this. I don't want to be a Nurse.
So there it was... I don't want to do this...the words just kept repeating.. I don't want to be a Nurse..
Peace like a river...it is well with my soul..Freedom like never before. A weight was lifted. Anxiety gone.
I wasn't depressed, I was just moving in the wrong direction.
I am a writer. Not just my occasional blog posts here, but more.
I look forward to sharing my stories with you all. They are so beautiful. I want to describe the world that I know to you. Some of these stories are dramatic, like the time I broke my ankle hiking in a jungle in Guatemala. Some are beautiful like when I was lost in Paris, a shop owner and his wife helped me out. Others are painful. I've lived quite a life full of adventures and I want to tell you about it.
So, why was I afraid to write? Certainly not from a lack of inspiration yet sometimes, when I would open my laptop, I would just stare at the page.. as if I had nothing to write.. but I have lots to write!
I was just afraid..
What if I finish all these projects and no one reads it? What if the ones who read it l doesn't like it? What if I don't make any money?
What if after all of that hard work, nothing comes of it? What if I gave up becoming a nurse, and nothing happens?
What will I do?
Do you know what I'm really saying? Sometimes you gotta read between the lines.
What if God gave me a vision for my life and it never comes to pass?
Fear. Doubt. Insecurity. They all show up when you decide to step out in pursuit of what God has for you.
Perseverance, Character and Fortitude are all ours in the name of Jesus and we never have to be afraid.
Keep going forward anyway.
I am walking, living, and dancing in my purpose right now. I am not afraid anymore because it is God alone who opens doors that cannot be shut. He is the One who makes a way when there seems to be no way. Live for Him and he will direct your way, He will guide you. Seek his face and get to know his voice. It's not to late.
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