It's never too late to make a first introduction
When I wrote my first blog post in 2014, I was so excited to begin sharing my story, that I never really introduced myself. Over the last 2 years, many of you have gotten to know me, but some of you don't know my name! Heeyyyyy!! My name is Roshunda. I am a fabulously single, thirty-something, Christian living in Houston, Texas. I love writing this blog and am pushing myself like never before to post on a weekly basis. I must say that these last few years of your kind words sent by text, phone calls, emails, Facebook, Instagram, and the comments you leave, have meant more to me than you'll ever know. Your encouragement has been a tremendous blessing to me and I truly thank you. Some of my funniest stories and life lessons come from my dating life. From the initial meeting, to dating, and breaking up; I've seen it all. I have a lot of stories to tell and many secrets to share, so let get started.
It may appear at first that I end relationships abruptly, but to be honest with you the writing was on the wall from the beginning, and all that was needed was a legitimate reason to end it. For example, last year I dated this guy I'll call, "Lamb Chops."
If you read my last post, "Lamb Chops and Pizza don't mix, "you'll know who I'm talking about. One night we were on the phone going over weekend plans, and out of nowhere, he announced that he planned to get back into bodybuilding.
I was like, "bodddd-eeeee...building?" At that moment I knew it was over. Actually, I knew it was over a lot in that relationship, it just took me a while to end it. Tip: When you're in a new relationship, and you try to break up with someone and they refuse to let you, that is a red flag. You're not committed yet! You don't owe each other anything. Listen to that voice that is saying "get out girl!" That voice is God and he is looking out for you. I didn't listen for a few weeks though. Why? Because I wanted to get married! I am always the one to break up with people in relationships and I figured if you don't break up with this one you then... dun dun da dun
(that's The Wedding March by the way.)
Note to Self: It's a bad sign when you have to talk yourself into staying in a new relationship.
Eventually, it did end but when I look back, I thank God for that relationship. It was in that relationship that I felt my calling renewed. It was in that relationship that I realized the importance of speaking up. Our relationship was about him. His career and his plans. It was very clear that in order for me to live the life that God has called me to, I could not be with him. It wasn't really about body building or lamb chops or anything superficial. It is about the call of God and I have to acknowledge that there where relationships I was in that I should not have been. Although no sex, kissing or even hand holding were involved, there was an emotional intimacy formed and each time I broke up with a guy, it still hurt. I know what it's like to be lonely. To want to date a guy that you know you're not attracted to just to not feel sad. The time had come when I had had enough. No more compromising my testimony, my emotions, my thought life, my prayers on someone God never planned for me to be with. I brought my heart before the Lord and cried, "although I have not sinned in my body, I have sinned in my heart and in my mind. This sin has only produced heart ache and regret. I am going to pursue you alone Lord. Be the Love of my life." That prayer changed my life from the inside/out. He set my heart and mind free! It was an explosion of joy and I was renewed. Restored. It was like God hit the reset button in my life. I felt clean and free!
It may appear at first that I end relationships abruptly, but to be honest with you the writing was on the wall from the beginning, and all that was needed was a legitimate reason to end it. For example, last year I dated this guy I'll call, "Lamb Chops."
If you read my last post, "Lamb Chops and Pizza don't mix, "you'll know who I'm talking about. One night we were on the phone going over weekend plans, and out of nowhere, he announced that he planned to get back into bodybuilding.
I was like, "bodddd-eeeee...building?" At that moment I knew it was over. Actually, I knew it was over a lot in that relationship, it just took me a while to end it. Tip: When you're in a new relationship, and you try to break up with someone and they refuse to let you, that is a red flag. You're not committed yet! You don't owe each other anything. Listen to that voice that is saying "get out girl!" That voice is God and he is looking out for you. I didn't listen for a few weeks though. Why? Because I wanted to get married! I am always the one to break up with people in relationships and I figured if you don't break up with this one you then... dun dun da dun
(that's The Wedding March by the way.)
Note to Self: It's a bad sign when you have to talk yourself into staying in a new relationship.
Eventually, it did end but when I look back, I thank God for that relationship. It was in that relationship that I felt my calling renewed. It was in that relationship that I realized the importance of speaking up. Our relationship was about him. His career and his plans. It was very clear that in order for me to live the life that God has called me to, I could not be with him. It wasn't really about body building or lamb chops or anything superficial. It is about the call of God and I have to acknowledge that there where relationships I was in that I should not have been. Although no sex, kissing or even hand holding were involved, there was an emotional intimacy formed and each time I broke up with a guy, it still hurt. I know what it's like to be lonely. To want to date a guy that you know you're not attracted to just to not feel sad. The time had come when I had had enough. No more compromising my testimony, my emotions, my thought life, my prayers on someone God never planned for me to be with. I brought my heart before the Lord and cried, "although I have not sinned in my body, I have sinned in my heart and in my mind. This sin has only produced heart ache and regret. I am going to pursue you alone Lord. Be the Love of my life." That prayer changed my life from the inside/out. He set my heart and mind free! It was an explosion of joy and I was renewed. Restored. It was like God hit the reset button in my life. I felt clean and free!
How will you know if he is the one for you? I am convinced that anyone who approaches you from an attitude of disrespect, lust, dishonesty and/or secrecy is not sent from God. Our future husband will treat us with respect and a desire to be holy and transparent, not just before you but more importantly before God. Regardless of your past, Jesus Christ can heal. I am proof of it. For years I lived my life in shame filled with secret pain. I've made enough mistakes for 10 people to cover 2 lifetimes. I have a dream that we women and sisters can share our stories openly, freely and purely. I believe that in Christ Jesus, my past has no claim on my future but is a useful tool to help others. Today, I can boldly speak about freedom because I know what its like to released from a life lived in chains.
Why did I put myself through it? I didn't know who I was in Christ. I wasn't fully persuaded that what God had been showing me and speaking to me in my quiet time was really going to happen. Faith is not easy, but that's why it's faith. Don't look at other peoples "green grass," look at your own, and water it. Fertilize those brown patches with the Word of God and watch it grow. Take care and invest in the life he has given you today and you will see it blossom in time. Find your contentment in Christ. Nowhere, nothing and no one can satisfy you like he can.
I came to this conclusion when I ended my last relationship, and have declared it over my life:
there is a call of God upon me. As I live out that call, the right guy will be brought into my path.
Do you believe there is a call of God upon your life? Do you know what it is? The word of God says in Psalm 139 that He knew you before you were born. Jeremiah 29:11 declares God knows the plans he has for you.
Take some time today and ask the Creator of all things what his plan is for your life. He will show you. You may already be doing it. Our job is to focus on Jesus as the Author and Finisher of our faith according to Hebrews 12:2. As you seek and desire his will, he will bring those that should in your life. But you know what else? He will also remove those that never should have been there in the first place. Have the courage to pursue a relationship with Jesus where your heart, body and soul are dedicated to him. You will not regret it.
I came to this conclusion when I ended my last relationship, and have declared it over my life:
there is a call of God upon me. As I live out that call, the right guy will be brought into my path.
Do you believe there is a call of God upon your life? Do you know what it is? The word of God says in Psalm 139 that He knew you before you were born. Jeremiah 29:11 declares God knows the plans he has for you.
Take some time today and ask the Creator of all things what his plan is for your life. He will show you. You may already be doing it. Our job is to focus on Jesus as the Author and Finisher of our faith according to Hebrews 12:2. As you seek and desire his will, he will bring those that should in your life. But you know what else? He will also remove those that never should have been there in the first place. Have the courage to pursue a relationship with Jesus where your heart, body and soul are dedicated to him. You will not regret it.
I can definitely relate, I actually described some of my relationships to my counselor a couple of years back and she gave it a term i will always remember, she said "You need to stop having emotional sex." And it was true, i was studying idolatry in the old testiment and came across a note that said, "anything you go to to get to God other than Jesus is an idol." Though it is encouraging to pray with a friend at times it shouldntnbe the bases of my prayer life. I used to justify those emotional attachments because those guys would pray with me. I thought it was spiritual but I was deceiving myself. Praise the Lord he opens our eyes and reveals the truth to us :)
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